Emptying Things Out
Do you ever wake up feeling like your entire night was full of details in your dreams, from the bizarre to the mundane, too many to even remember and articulate? That’s how I woke up this morning. My dreams were many, and they contained old friends, old places, old worries, all put together in strange ways and woven through with SO MANY details. Drew listened so patiently as I dumped everything out of my head as we made our morning coffee, and it was such a relief to get the dreams out of my head and into the light.*
As much as I was (and am) baffled by the dreams, I have a distinct feeling that I knew why my brain was so crowded all night long. Yesterday was a day when I felt a little bit at loose ends. Like there was something for me to figure out, but I didn’t know what. A part of me knew I needed to get quiet, stay in one place, and see what came up. Unfortunately, another part of me must have found that idea unpleasant, because it kept me quite busy all day with screens for my eyes and an audio book for my ears. I really didn’t give myself a moment without input all day long. I find this embarrassing to admit, because I most definitely know better, but it is the truth.
So today is a day for me to try to let the other self - the one that knew I needed quiet yesterday - sit in the driver’s seat. I am vowing to that part of me that I will not fill my eyes and ears with constant input, and that I will take some time to meditate, perhaps make some art, journal, take a walk and do some chores without headphones on to keep me distracted. This will give me time and space not only for whatever wants to emerge, but I also intend to do some work on figuring out what that part that was in charge yesterday was so worried about. To do this, I will journal a bit, and then find a good thought and take it through The Work. Wish me luck!
* I often imagine Dumbledore’s pensieve in these moments, from the Harry Potter series of books. I am so sad and angry that JK Rowling has proven herself so very problematic, full stop. Also, the mental image of holding a wand up to my brain to pull out thought threads, then putting them into a basin in order to see them more clearly is very helpful to me. This is often what I ask for when I am being coached. I want to sit with someone who will hold the basin and look at the thoughts with me so they can help me see things in new ways. I find it incredibly helpful and delightful every single time.